I'm well accustomed to being alone, flying solo, until you bring me out of my shell and show me how different it is to not remain what I'm comfortable with.
It felt good, but that wasn't what I'd prefer.
I've always had a plan to somehow scrape through college, and an even bigger somehow to move out, out of this shithole. Well not exactly a shithole when your country have achieved many world #1s, but I really shouldn't stay at a place where I've had so many regrets and mistakes.
I can imagine myself sitting alone , clad in a cheap trench coat and office bag, in the park during winter time, somewhere dark, after a day's work, and sit back and watch people go by lost in my own thoughts.
I really need to move, and leave all the bad behind. Everyone deserves a second chance, eh?
You think?
What do you do when you need to numb yourself from the things you have no control of, but wish you have? Its easy to "get something done" or "I'll make this work" when it comes to an assignment, or exams, or feeding the cat or whatever.
But when another person is involved, "I'm trying to make this work" isn't that straightforward anymore eh?
You know you can't just make someone love you
again, however hard you try. You wish you can do something about it, but often the more you try, the more repulsive they are towards you.
Sometimes you get so desperate trying, you wish a fairy godmother would simply appear and aid you with some kind of magic potion.
suicide.
Guess what I've learnt today?
To cherish today, look forward to tomorrow, and stop hanging on to yesterday.
Yes we were single as far as everyone else was concerned.
No, we were each other's Bee.
Yes, we loved each other.
No, we were as incompatible as a pair of mismatched socks.
Yes, I prayed that she'd find you someday
No, it's still hard to give her away
Yes, I wished her happiness.
No, it's still hard to give her away
Yes, I still very much love her the same way.
if only u could for a second feel the kind of loneliness i'm feeling. its almost... terrifying.
My very good friend did this for me. :)
